Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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