My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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