Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
