TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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