sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
