My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
