Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
