6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
