and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
