dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
