He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
