You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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