If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
