you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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