he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
