if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
