Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
