I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
