proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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