Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
