I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
