I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
