so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
