Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
