I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
