Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
