I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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