His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
