I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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