dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
