I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
