Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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