And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
