"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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