when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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