I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
