I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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