I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
