LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
