it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i came on her dog
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
