Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
