soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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