your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
