Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
nutella sex= disaster
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
