Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to calm my uterus...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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