I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
