I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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