so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
