We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
