just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
