his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm always down for nudity.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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