Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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