thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
